WWE Lightweight Title Goes To Alpha Cat

I think karma is trying to kill me - maybe not kill but for sure suffocate or choke.
Let me explain...
It started with a perrier cap being baked into the bread I requested at a nice Italian restaurant this past weekend. Following that I choked and spit up raspberry crystal light after nearly swallowing a plastic bread tie that was in the juice jug - that wasn't fun to clean up.
Finally, since TG has been gone I have found the kitties to be quite well behaved and even friendly towards me especially "his". On the first night we cuddled and I woke up in the middle of the night and to find the alpha cat coiled tightly under my arm - sweet. Little did I know I was being set up for the night to come...
Yesterday I was feeling like shyte and slept a lot. In the middle of the night I was woken up by a flying pile driver off the tv onto my head by said alpha cat. I think he thought this was funny because after I checked my face for noticeable bruising and open wounds, the cat was all cuddly and purring - I think he is starting to take hints from the little one! Not to be mistaken the cat again tried to suffocate me when I woke up breathless at 4:30am. I thought my eyes were open but I could not see. I thought I was speaking but my words were muted. I thought I would sit up but my head felt heavy and unbearable. I had the taste of fur in my mouth and a cat laying on my face.
Needless to say that I combed my chicken soup for bones at lunch and will be sleeping with a helmet on tonight.
Maybe it was the clean sheets or the extra treats I gave him to try to get on his good side but something made alpha cat go bonkers! There is a small one snickering from the sidelines too - not impressed.
Maybe the kitties are picking on me a little or maybe karma has enlisted the kitties as soldiers in getting even with me for switching the tags on the house house tomatoes? I have been good otherwise - I swear.